Silly Mistakes Derailing Your Efforts to Get Your Ex Back

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How long have you been working to get your ex back without seeing any real results? Many people in your shoes are surprised to learn that it isnt what you arent doing thats holding you back. Its the things you are doing, that are working against you. Here are a few common roadblocks that could be derailing your trip back to relationship bliss.

You are Proud to be there for Your Ex

Its a noble idea. Really it is. However, if youre there for a friendly ear, a comforting shoulder, or a fast perk-me-up whenever your ex needs it from you, your ex isnt really missing out on the benefits of being in a relationship with you. Its getting all the fringe benefits of a loving relationship without putting in the work to keep things going. Instead, youre going to have to let your ex deal with the stings life delivers sometimes without the solace of your comforting presence.

You Keep Trying

I know this one goes against everything your heart (and to some degree your head) is screaming at your right now. However, in times of crisis, reason isnt even in charge of your head either. Reason rarely rules the heart. Why should a time of emotional distress be any different? One person cant do it all in the relationship.

Pat Benatar had it right when she sang, "Love is a Battlefield." Love is war and the winners, in love, have a plan. The tactical advantage goes to the one who retreats, assesses the situation impartially, and plans a strategic assault with victory in mind. You had better believe love is war. And you need to take a little time to assess your current position, the hostility of the terrain, and the best path to victory before you go in with guns (or in this case Cupids arrows) blazing.

You Attack from a Position of Weakness

Fans of NCIS know that team leader Gibbs is always telling his team not to apologize. According to Gibbs, apologizing is a sign of weakness. While thats a philosophical debate for the most part, when youre trying to save your relationship or get your ex back, it is often viewed, the leaving party, as a sign of weakness. You dont want to make your move from an inferior position. Instead, lead with your strengths.

Show your power. Establish your dominance. Come in swinging from a position of strength and dont ever let your ex see you sweat. Theres nothing sexier, to members of the opposite sex, than confidence. Be confident in yourself, your contribution to the relationship, and the fact that its just not time for this relationship to end.

Above all else, dont make a move until you know what youre going to do next. Have a contingency plan in place for a favorable outcome as well as a less-than-favorable outcome so that you dont come across as desperate if you dont win this round. Your mind needs to remain focused on the long-term prize of getting your ex back and every plan needs to ultimately lead you down that happy road.