Having Trouble Getting Your Ex Back Try This Instead

in back, derailing, efforts, ex, get, Get Ex, getting, having, instead, mistakes, silly, this, to, trouble, try, your

Wise people say that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. So many people, in the aftermath of an unexpected and/or unwanted breakup, find themselves falling into patterns of insanity while trying to get their exes back.

Its quite common.

Your heart is screaming so loud that it drowns out the things your brain is trying to tell you. The one thing your heart knows for sure is that it wants to stop HURTING.

It knows that the breakup is the source of the pain and it wants to fix it. NOW! The thing is, your heart says crazy things, such as: apologize, beg, and bargain. These are the things that will do far more to harm your cause than to see it through.

Instead of repeating all the things that arent working, lets try a different tactic this time around. Lets go for different results. Heres what you need to do instead.

Agree with Your Ex

Want to stop an argument dead in its tracks? Agree with the arguer. First of all, its a shocking experience. There have probably been many times in the course of your relationship together that youve continued an argument youd known you were losing just because you werent ready to admit defeat. Weve all done it.

Stopping the argument is one thing. Its a grudging acceptance, but one your ex can mentally process. However, AGREEING with your ex is a new tactic that will leave your ex reeling.

More importantly, it will leave your ex thinking of you in an intrigued and perplexed way. Your ex thinks he or she already knows whats coming next. Agreeing throws them off balance and reveals that you do, in fact, still have a few tricks up your sleeve.

Stop Trying so Hard

Im not advocating giving up. Im not even telling you that you shouldnt try to get your ex back. Im telling you stop working so HARD. You need to work SMARTER; not harder. The direct approach isnt going to work in the days and short weeks following your breakup. Youre going to need to do your best work behind the scenes if you really want to get your exs attention.

Begin with what you know about your ex. How did you win his or her heart in the first place? What is it about you that your ex has claimed to love the most? Identify that. Understand it and save it for later.

Next you need to identify where the problems started. Was there a specific event, argument, or misunderstanding that began a downward spiral for your relationship? What could you do now that would tip the scales once again in your favor? Now is the time for thinking and not the time for action.

Do you need help coming up with the exact plan of action or working out the timing of putting your plan into motion? More importantly, do you have a plan for what comes next? Once you get your ex back, you need to know what its going to take to keep your relationship on a more even path in the future. Let me help you with that and so much more.

Read more

Silly Mistakes Derailing Your Efforts to Get Your Ex Back

in back, derailing, efforts, ex, get, Get Ex, mistakes, silly, this, to, try, want, your

How long have you been working to get your ex back without seeing any real results? Many people in your shoes are surprised to learn that it isnt what you arent doing thats holding you back. Its the things you are doing, that are working against you. Here are a few common roadblocks that could be derailing your trip back to relationship bliss.

You are Proud to be there for Your Ex

Its a noble idea. Really it is. However, if youre there for a friendly ear, a comforting shoulder, or a fast perk-me-up whenever your ex needs it from you, your ex isnt really missing out on the benefits of being in a relationship with you. Its getting all the fringe benefits of a loving relationship without putting in the work to keep things going. Instead, youre going to have to let your ex deal with the stings life delivers sometimes without the solace of your comforting presence.

You Keep Trying

I know this one goes against everything your heart (and to some degree your head) is screaming at your right now. However, in times of crisis, reason isnt even in charge of your head either. Reason rarely rules the heart. Why should a time of emotional distress be any different? One person cant do it all in the relationship.

Pat Benatar had it right when she sang, "Love is a Battlefield." Love is war and the winners, in love, have a plan. The tactical advantage goes to the one who retreats, assesses the situation impartially, and plans a strategic assault with victory in mind. You had better believe love is war. And you need to take a little time to assess your current position, the hostility of the terrain, and the best path to victory before you go in with guns (or in this case Cupids arrows) blazing.

You Attack from a Position of Weakness

Fans of NCIS know that team leader Gibbs is always telling his team not to apologize. According to Gibbs, apologizing is a sign of weakness. While thats a philosophical debate for the most part, when youre trying to save your relationship or get your ex back, it is often viewed, the leaving party, as a sign of weakness. You dont want to make your move from an inferior position. Instead, lead with your strengths.

Show your power. Establish your dominance. Come in swinging from a position of strength and dont ever let your ex see you sweat. Theres nothing sexier, to members of the opposite sex, than confidence. Be confident in yourself, your contribution to the relationship, and the fact that its just not time for this relationship to end.

Above all else, dont make a move until you know what youre going to do next. Have a contingency plan in place for a favorable outcome as well as a less-than-favorable outcome so that you dont come across as desperate if you dont win this round. Your mind needs to remain focused on the long-term prize of getting your ex back and every plan needs to ultimately lead you down that happy road.

Read more

Want to Get Your Ex Back Try This!

in back, cheat, did, ex, get, Get Ex, girlfriend, me, my, on, this, to, try, want, why, your

Movies and romance novels make it look so easy to get your ex back. We all understand that love goes wrong sometimes. But, if you really want to turn the tide for your relationship, you might have to switch up tactics a little bit and try something new and different. Dont let cheesy romantic movies and novels that are fantasy filled ruin your chances. Instead, take a moment to sneak a peek at real advice that gets real results.

Walk Away - And Dont Look Back

Im not saying you shouldnt entertain the idea of getting back together with your ex or that you should even give up hope that youll be able to accomplish your mission. However, you want to make your ex believe that youve given up -- that you arent trying to fix things anymore.

Why?

Because thats really the only way your ex is going to recognize what it means to be alone. As long as you keep coming around or trying to make things right, your ex has the pleasure of your company and the certainty of your support. Walk away. Go through the motions of moving on with your life and let your ex see what life is like without you in it. More importantly, let your ex wonder who youre spending your time with now.

Start Investing in Yourself

During a relationship, people often spend so much time focused on the other person that you ignore the things you want or need. Now is the perfect opportunity to put a little time and attention to fulfilling your own wishes and needs whether they are educational, financial, career-related, or physical in nature. Put yourself first for a change and enjoy a return on investment that involves self-confidence, self-value, and a renewed sense of self-worth.

What most people dont realize is that this is a critical component of getting an ex back. When you start taking care of yourself and putting yourself first for a change, there are often visible changes the world will notice. Word travels quickly in some circles and your ex, unless he or she has relocated to a rock on Mars, is likely to hear about all the changes going on with you. Your ex is bound to be curious and curiosity usually works in your favor at times like these.

But, dont take the call, answer the email, or agree to meet your ex until you have a solid strategy in place to make the most of this meeting. Without the right plan in hand, you can undo all your hard work in one single phone call, conversation, or meeting.

Read more

Should You Even Try to Win Your Ex Back

in 6, back, even, ex, get, Get Ex, girlfriend, make, moves, need, should, strategic, to, try, win, you, your

In the first few days, even weeks, after your breakup, the only thing you can think about is how to get your ex back. Its understandable. Depending on how long the two of you were together, youve shared a lot of life. Its hard to just walk away and pretend it never happened.

The odds are good that your ex isnt walking off unaffected either. The only real difference is that your ex has been thinking about this for a while. People dont walk away from long-term-relationships on a whim. In other words, your ex has had a little more time to deal with the emotional side of the decision than you have.

If youre struggling to decide if the right choice is to walk away or fight to get your ex back, these questions should help you decide.

Is the Love Still There?

This is a huge question you need to know the answer to before you make a single step to try and win your ex back. While you can only guess about how your ex really feels, you can, and should, explore your own feelings in depth before making your next move. If the love isnt really there, you should not waste your time and energy, or that of your ex, trying to rekindle something thats simply not there anymore.

Is the Relationship You Had Truly Worth Rehashing?

Most relationships have their shares of ups and downs. Successful relationships have far more ups in them than downs. Take a look back over the course of your entire relationship. How do the ups compare to the downs for you? Were the good times really good? How bad were the darkest days? Are you willing to experience them again if necessary?

How far are You Really Willing to Go to Make It Work?

You must be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work in most cases for that to happen. Your ex is likely to throw in a few pitfalls and tests along the way, if he or she is even willing to give it a go. Be prepared for them and ready to ace them with flying colors. Dont even think about letting her see you sweat. But the willingness goes even deeper than passing a few tests. You must be willing to make a few vital changes for the sake of your relationship. But you wont often find out what they are until the moment arrives. Just be prepared. Some of the changes may not be all that simple to make.

Most importantly, however, is your willingness to be the one to wait. This is often the most difficult, and most necessary, part of winning back your ex. Waiting for the right moment, though, makes all the difference in the world. I can help you understand when that moment is and help you come up with the ideal strategy to turn it into a prime opportunity.

Read more

4 Reasons You Should Not Rush in to Get Your Ex Back

in 4, back, ex, get, Get Ex, getting, having, in, instead, not, reasons, rush, should, this, to, trouble, try, you, your

Elvis Presley, you know, the KING of Rock-n-Roll, said it best. "Fools rush in." You love your ex. Theres no doubt about that. You cant just turn it off because shes decided its over. But if you go all gung ho and rush right in demanding a second chance, you might just end up pushing her into taking out a restraining order to keep you at arms length. Thats the last thing you want to happen if youre serious about getting her back. But, did you know there are other reasons to wait a little while before trying to win her heart all over again? Here are a few of my personal favorites.

1) Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. She needs a little bit of absence from you in order to appreciate how much you did bring to the relationship -- and to her on a personal level. She needs the chance to get over the hurt and anger and start remember the fun, funny, and slightly quirky things you did that brought a smile to her face and made her feel loved by you.

2) You get a little distance from the pain. In the moments when your heart is truly breaking, all you can focus on is the pain. You want the pain to end. Since the breakup was what has caused the pain, getting her back should make it go away. Right? Not necessarily. It may provide a temporary balm, but its better to get a little distance so you can be certain you really want her back or if moving on might be the better path for you.

3) Allows you time to consider your options. You dont have to get her back. Even if you do, you may decide that changes need to be made on your end of the relationship. How much, after all, have you really been getting from the relationship? Are you getting as much from it as you put into it? If not, what kinds of changes do you plan to make?

4) Provides you with the perfect opportunity to devise an effective strategy. You may not be up-to-date on the latest strategy to get your ex back, but that doesnt mean you shouldnt take a little time to brush up on your technique. You may even be surprised to learn that having a strategy for getting back together with your ex greatly improves the odds of success.

Dont float around in a haze of pain begging her for a second chance at every turn. Its not good for your self-esteem or your image. More importantly, it wont melt her heart the way you hope. Instead, sit back, relax, get your bearings. Then let me help you come up with a killer strategy that will have her eating out of the palm of your hands before she knows whats hit her.

Read more