Q: Hi Kathryn,
I think you may be the only person who can give me solid, unbiased advice on my current love life. I need help!
Ive been dating a man for the past few months and we really hit it off. Spending time together and getting to know one another was a blast and it was so easy. We really click. But once he started getting really emotionally attached to me, and I to him, he put on the brakes. The completion is that I am 25 years younger than him. The age difference doesnt bother me but he has leftover hurt from a younger woman he started a few years ago. He believes that after we fall in love, in 5 or 10 years, I will realize that Im with an old guy and wont want to be with him because of it. Which would break his heart and make life unbearable for him. I told him there are no guarantees but I could see us being happy together for a long time because I really like the person he is. If not for this issue, I think we could be happy together. Would my soul mate be so afraid of me breaking his heart that he would hold me at arms length? Should I try to hold onto him when hes so afraid of what our future may hold?
Awaiting your advice,
I think you may be the only person who can give me solid, unbiased advice on my current love life. I need help!
Ive been dating a man for the past few months and we really hit it off. Spending time together and getting to know one another was a blast and it was so easy. We really click. But once he started getting really emotionally attached to me, and I to him, he put on the brakes. The completion is that I am 25 years younger than him. The age difference doesnt bother me but he has leftover hurt from a younger woman he started a few years ago. He believes that after we fall in love, in 5 or 10 years, I will realize that Im with an old guy and wont want to be with him because of it. Which would break his heart and make life unbearable for him. I told him there are no guarantees but I could see us being happy together for a long time because I really like the person he is. If not for this issue, I think we could be happy together. Would my soul mate be so afraid of me breaking his heart that he would hold me at arms length? Should I try to hold onto him when hes so afraid of what our future may hold?
Awaiting your advice,
A: The answer is “No!” Your soulmate would not be so afraid that he could not move forward. My rule is to give it one more really good try to get through to him, and if he is still paralyzed by fear, then move on, as hard as that might be. Remember you can always let go, and if he’s not the one then, someone else is, so you’ll be going toward your One.
How to broach the subject? Ask him for some time, get together, chitchat and enjoy each other so you’re in a good mood before you bring up the subject. Then, look him in the eye, touch him and tell him this: “Age only matters with cheese and wine. Love doesnt recognize age. It doesnt matter to me, and couples with greater age differences than us have worked it out. We can’t live our lives out of fear for the future. I’m not your ex. I want to be with you, and you know we have something good. Can you give us a chance?”
Really listen to his answer. If he still cannot get over this, I would not keep trying. It should not be this hard. You’ll have to move on, but rest assured if he still can’t move forward, there will be even better in your future. Love & support!
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