Dont Believe Me, Just Watch!
Q: Kathryn, it is super hard to stay positive when all my friends keep shooting down my hopes for love. Theyre just so negative. And say my prospects are slim.
They get mad that I wont settle. And think I shouldnt hope for much.
How can I deal with this? So far, I get discouraged more and more of the time.
A: Let me tell you a story that will help.
Edie is one of my coaches and first discovered my work going through a divorce.
She was not exactly a spring chicken and was very fearful about finding love.
She did not want to grow old alone and yet her experience of love had been hurtful so she was scared about recreating that.
Friends and family told her to set her bar low, that at her age, she couldnt expect much.
This unthinking words made her even more fearful. After her painful divorce, she did not want to go through any more.
This is not uncommon.
When youre single, every fear that you wont find love or will have to settle will come up.
When I was single, I remember some of the hurtful things people told me:
"At your age, dont expect a good looking guy."
"All guys are having sex. Youll never find someone who is not involved, do dont even expect it."
I remember having to distance myself from one negative friend. It was just too hard when I was already feeling so vulnerable.
Edie went through the same gauntlet of naysaying and doubt.
Its something she and I had to overcome.
She healed from her past, and became strong, increasingly immune to her own fears and the negativity of others.
So to answer your question, the best way to deal with naysayers is the following:
1) Become increasingly immune to others who are negative
2) Keep hope in your heart and be careful about who you share your dreams with
3) Stay hopeful. Keep the faith
4) Do work that will back you up and fight against the deluge of naysaying you may encounter
5) Dont settle but keep your standard high
6) Build yourself up and remember you are a catch.
Edie and I worked on this together, and then, she met John. Not only is he an educated, handsome man but he is kind and adores her.
After dating for about a year, he proposed on Christmas Eve. In her 60s, Edie has experienced more romance than she could ever have dreamed of.
The newly married Edie & JohnAt their wedding, John thanked me several times for my support of him and their relationship.
He is truly in love with Edie and feels like he won the jackpot. She does, too. Everyone at the wedding was moved by their love.
At the reception, we all laughed when the song "Uptown Funk" was played. The chorus says:
"Dont believe me, just watch"
It was Edies victory dance -- that despite the naysaying, she triumphed and got what she wanted.
I hope youll vow to dance that same dance of triumph at your own wedding. You can!
All it takes it developing your faith that yes, you, too, can find love. Add to that ignoring the naysayers and doing some opening to love.
And you, too, will be singing "Dont believe me, just watch!" at your own nuptials.
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