Do I Have to Get Out There ! Video

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Hi, there! I did a lot of videos whilst on my Teaching Tour this summer to answer some of the questions you all have been sending me. Heres a video on a question I often get:

"Do I have to get out there to find love?"

My answer may surprise you because Im the ONLY dating coach Ive ever encountered who says this.

And yet it proves true over & over in the love stories we get from my work!

Check the video out now and subscribe to me on Youtube for more videos. Enjoy.

p.s. Hit up the comments section to put your question in for me. I may answer it next :)

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In Your Wheelhouse

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Q: Kathryn, I need some serious help. Theres a guy Ive been craving that I see at my gym, but he intimidates me. I can barely look at him, much less smile or try to actually make contact. He just seems out of my wheelhouse. Why would a guy like that -- who probably has women chasing him -- pay any attention to me?

Im kind of fixated on him. Do you have any advice for getting beyond him being out of my league?

A: First off, he is NOT out of your league. Leagues are a false construct that absolutely do not hold up in love. Statistics back me up on that one, too.

Heres what I suggest -- a technique that uses behavioral therapy -- one of the most effective methods of overcoming fear available.

1) The Attitude Adjustment. Start seeing yourself differently -- as someone that a guy (your soulmate) like him will eat up with a spoon. Your One will be the most attractive person you ever meet, so hes one of the more likely ones to be your soulmate. Elevate yourself to his level as best you can.

2) Remember how dating works. The first encounter is insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Its repeated interaction and deeper bonding that most relationships are built upon -- even in their initial attraction phase. (My book Dating for the One really dives into this and how to create that bond.)

3) Now, you need to act "as if" with this hunk. Even it you cant completely believe it, act "as if" this guy were in your wheelhouse. How would you treat him? What would you do? Act as if you have faith that you get love & that it will be a hottie like him.

(I had a recent client try this, and she had the guy who had intimidated her chasing her down for a date.)

Prepare for your next encounter using this process. It works wonders. Id love most of all for you to know just how lucky he is to talk to you. You discount yourself when you feel in a different wheelhouse, and its just not true.

Love & support for changing wheelhouses, 
Kathryn

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I Attract Creeps!

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Q: Dear Kathryn, I keep attracting scary guys – ones who make my skin crawl. And when I try to make contact with attractive guys, they ignore me. I am so tired of having to suck up my feelings and have a stuff upper lip like a marine. Even some of my male friends call me GI Jane and say I am one of the strongest women they know emotionally. What advice would you give for people who have reached the end of their rope like me?  Thanks.

A: I’m sorry you’re having this experience. The fact that you feel like a soldier at war is not good. It means you’re approaching life as though it were a battle zone, which I know if feels like for you right now.

The truth is that life can be very easy – like an endless vacation. But we need to change some things.

What you’re drawing into your experience indicates that your point of attraction is off. It can be for a number of reasons, but central to it seems to be a lack of healthy self-image.

Being approached with unwanted attention usually means you lack proper boundaries.

And when those you want to connect with are ignoring you, it often shows that you are carrying a “script” that says “I’m not worth noticing.”

These can be altered. We need to lay in some better boundaries for you. Then the “creeps” will steer clear of you. And as you change your script to one that says: “I’m worthy and a catch, hotties will line up to pay you some attention.”

I bless you for stepping into the different life you SO deserve!

Love & support, Kathryn

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